So when my mom took me to the doctor. And I told them that I wanted to be a "Girl". And they asked me why. And then I basically told them the same things that I told my mom. And then the doctor diagnosed me with Autism.
SO AFTER I HAVE BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH AUTISM
The doctors then put me on medication (Dexedrine). And when they did that, I was pretty darn mad at them, and my mom. So then my mom was making me take the pills every day before I went to school. And this was really stressing me Bout throughout ALL of my school years, because they weren't letting me get what I wanted. (Which was to be a "Girl"). The drug (Dexedrine) had caused me nothing but trouble. ("It was like trying to put out a fire with gasoline").
So then my mom also sent me to a psychiatrist. Her name was Dr. Falkenberg. I had ALSO told her that I wanted to be a "Girl" And she also asked me why I wanted to be a "Girl". And I told her the same thing that I told my mom and the doctor. But the problem is that my mom said to her because she thought that I had Autism. So she wouldn't really listen to me. Also there were a few times that Dr. Falkenberg wanted to increase my medication (Dexedrine). And this was really making me very angry and stressing me out even further. And whenever she would try to increase my medications, I would put up a big fuss about it. Because I knew that I shouldn't have been on the medication (Dexedrine) in the first place (From the "Get Go" ). Instead they should have started me on my "Journey" towards becoming a "Girl". For example they could have started me on hormones when I was about 6 years old. (I'm 24 years old right now). So that would indicate that I should have been on the hormones for about 18 years. And then get the surgery sometime later.
I ALSO mentioned that I wanted to wear Girls clothes too . My favorite colour was pink. (AND STILL IS). I also asked my mom for "Girls" clothes EVERY YEAR, when I would have a special occasion. For example, my Birthday, and for Christmas. And my mom just said no to me. So this was stressing me out and making me even more angry. I kind of felt like I was in a prison, (because my mom, and the doctors) decided to go against ALL MY WISHES, AND DREAMS, that I wanted to be a "Girl".)
I also wanted to wear Nail Polish on my hands and toes. But then again, she wouldn't even let me wear it.
And then after I completed grade 3, my mom and dad found me a new school. Because I was getting stressed out. I started going to Argyle School like 2 months after I was 9 years old. I was going to that school for 5 years. (From, 2000-2005). I liked it a bit better because they didn't give out very much homework. And they had a swing set to play on at recess. And at lunch time they put a movie on.
Okay, but that still didn't address the fact that I wanted to be a "Girl".
ALSO when I was going to Argyle School we had Token Exchange every Friday. And they would sometimes have "Girls" products in the box. So one Friday I chose to take a bottle of nail polish from the box. And I painted my fingernails with it. And my mom was mad at me for doing this. So then she told Mrs. Mahon to not let me take anymore "Girls products" from the Token Exchange box. Which of course bothered me.
I did not have a very good childhood because of this
So I was on Dexedrine for roughly 10 years. And I told my mom and dad that I wasn't very happy on the medication. But they wouldn't listen to me because they were just following the doctor's orders.
There were a few times that I tried to not take my medication. And whenever I would try to not take my medication (Dexedrine) my dad would punish me by:
A) Taking money away from my allowance, (or not giving me an allowance at all).
B) Also he sometimes wouldn't take me to my chess club, (in Regina) if I didn't take my medication. (which of course bugged me).
C) He wouldn't play chess with me when I wasn't taking my medication. Which otherwise he probably would have.
So when my dad was giving me an allowance, I would use it to buy candy and pop. And then when my dad would either.
A) Take money away from my allowance
B) Not give me one at all.
So that meant that I wouldn't have the money to buy candy or pop. Or at least not AS much money, which was making my feel vulnerable. So I went back on the medication because of this. (AND THIS IS THE ONLY REASON I DID).
And then sometime after we moved back from Regina. I was collecting quarters. And I had several hundred dollars in quarters saved up.
I was ALSO going to the pop machines at Wal-Mart like twice a day. And when I was doing that I was finding like between $5 - $20 a day. So when I was consistently finding that much money. I decided to stand up to both my mom and Dad and get off the medication.
I used a clever "Tactic" to get of the medication (Dexedrine). Instead of just quitting the medication "Cold Turkey", I weened myself off the medication each day. So that when I wasn't taking the medication ANYMORE. The withdrawal symptoms would be too bad.
I told my dad that I was going to ween myself off the medication (Dexedrine). And my dad was mad at me again. And this time, I was thinking "Don't give me an allowance for all I care".
Because If you did that I wouldn't have felt vulnerable ANYMORE. Because of the money I had, and finding a whole bunch of money at the pop machines.
When I was about 15 years, 8 months old. I started to ween myself off the medication that I was on (Dexedrine). And I told my dad that I'm going to take a little less of the medication every day, until finally I'm not taking it AT ALL. And my dad said to me that I was going to start failing in school if I did this. But I stood up to him and said "no I won't". So when I was off the medication. I was going through withdrawal symptoms, (Which I knew I would).
"Kinda like when a smoker is quitting smoking, they will typically go through withdrawal symptoms for some time."
So anyway I knew the withdrawal symptoms would go away after about 2-3 weeks. So basically I stood up to those withdrawal symptoms. And I was happier when I was off the medication.
So now with respect to my dad thinking that I would fail in school. I proved him wrong. And not only that my grades were starting to go up AS a result.
It was only after the teacher called and told my dad that I was doing better in school. That he was starting to support me with my decision to not take my medication (Dexedrine) anymore.
So It goes to show that I do have a lot of "GUTS" because for the first 2-3 weeks I had no-one in my family to support me with my decision (Not taking my medication anymore, Dexedrine). So "I was kind of going to war alone".
My Dad said to me that he's VERY ashamed of what he did.
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